Relationship Rant

I decided just now that I'm going to try to do BEDA (Blog Every Day in April). The ironic part of this is mostly that I have a viewer ship of 0 on this blog. None the less I'm going to try. Part of what makes this project so appealing to me is I really want to sort though the emotional chaos I have been feeling in relation to my life. In theory if I write about it perhaps it will make more sense.

All the emotional angst can be summarized by one word, "relationships". Typical, I know, though in this this case I don't mean just romantic relationships, I also am including friendships. First lets talk about my friends problem. Lately I've just been feeling a disconnect between myself and those I associate with day to day. I feel like I just sit around online, and they do things. I want to have time to have a social life. Most of my problems come down to time management. I've been flying around and doing awesome things all over the country for a month, but somehow the relationships at home have just slipped. Sometimes it's that I just don't want to deal with people that are petty and obsessed with their boyfriends. This brings me to my second problem. I've noticed over the year that whenever anyone starts talking about their boyfriend or see PDA, I immediately get annoyed. I have come to recognize this feeling as jealousy. I am jealous that they can love whoever they want and public and I have to hide because I am too scared to ask the girl I like out. This is stupid. I love her so much, I have for a long time. So today, I decided I would ask her out. I got all dressed up, then chickened out going to school. So I texted her to see if she wanted to hang out, and she's sick... Sigh, I have all this pent up energy. I want to go out and party, instead I stay home and write a blog because I have no one to hang with.

Yep this was defiantly a rant and also why people don't read my blog.