Saturday, November 27, 2010

Metaphors

I'm sitting here wrapped in blankets, failing to write an essay, and in general wondering where I'm going with my life.

Hi I'm Jaine. You might know me from, well, no where. It's not that I haven't done anything notable in my life, there is plenty that I am proud of, just nothing you've ever heard of, unless you are my mother or one of the people in my life my ego gushes to. I'm not always eloquent, and sometimes my opinions are irrational. I always try hard... when it comes to things I care about, but let's face it, most things that need to be done hardly ever make that list. I love with all my heart. I am passionate and I am loyal.

When I was little, I wanted to be a teacher. My mom is a teacher and in my young mind there wasn't anyone more amazing than my mom. All children inevitably grow up, and as I reach my teenage years, I guess you could consider me a closet rebel. I never was the kind of kid who blew up shit or ditched school, I more dissolved in to the background. I'm the kind of person who internalizes everything especially during my teen years. And while I cant quite say I'm not a teenager anymore, I hope that at nineteen I have matured and gained perspective on life that my thirteen-year-old self wouldn't have had. As I was saying, in middle school and most of high school I would try to blend in to the crowd. Like most kids I wanted to be normal. I was successful 80% of the time. The other 20% I was cursed with being opinionated.

Sometime durring my junior or senior year of high school I realized I wanted to be someone. I wanted to be "famous". Unfortunately this dream came twelve years too late. Its normal for a young child to want to become a famous actor. Its even normal for these dreams to continue, talent permitting, into their young adult life. I however had spend most of my life playing the minor role in my own play. I am the shadow behind the curtain, and I am looking for the light.