Thoughts on moving away from home.

It's a funny feeling moving out of the house I have called home for the majority of my life. There is the strongest feeling of being impossibly alone in the world and of being homeless. I am sitting alone in what I now call my living room, my roommate and her boyfriend have gone up stairs, and that crushing depression settles in my stomach.

I have never lived close to those who I consider to be my best friends, which forces me to ponder why do I feel so empty. Perhaps it is anxiety and fear manifesting it's self in a new form. I suppose  the cause for my existential thoughts does not matter as much as the questions them selves. 

What do I want in life? Who do I want to be?

I want to be loved, to be proud, to be confident, and to be the one who decides my self worth. All positive goals, but will moving away from home take me a step closer to these goals?

Thoughts from Tea?

A while ago I was supost to film a Thoughts from my Hometown video for the 5ABP channel. Unfortunately I got so swamped with school work, that the video never made it up (or edited). I was looking though footage on my laptop and found this gem. ;)

Five Awesome BenPals

Comments on a Video

God that's awful. It's sad that when your a female traveling alone how frequent these situations can come up. A few years a go I was studying in Costa Rica. I was young, 15, and even though I was in a group, one of the guys, older, maybe 20, tried to kiss me in the movie theater. It was honestly one of the most horrifying experiences of my life. It's absolutely ridiculous how some men objectify woman to be worth money. Stay safe.
JustJAINE


@JustJAINE Oh GOD. I hope you punched them, or someone elce did for you. Really horrid. Stay safe too! 
missxrojas


@missxrojas I've been sitting here thinking about this video, and for the longest time I couldn't figure out why I felt so bothered and angry about your story and of the objectification of woman. I, like you, consider my self "hardened" to the random cat-call, but I think what bothers me the most is how violated situations like those you described can make one feel as well as how often they are undermined. For a really long time after the almost kiss in the movie theatre I thought it was my fault, that I had lead this guy on. This was not helped by the fact that he stalked me and told me absolutely ridiculous statements that he thought I was older, how it was my fault, and that I was being rude for ignoring him. So, yeah, in my case I was emotionally violated as well as, in my opinion, legally stalked. And in some ways you were violated too. One guy licked your hand, that while mostly gross that is still invasive. And they other guy tried to pay you to have sex with him and then proceeded to verbally slap you. The fact that you had to sit there angry and I would venture afraid is so wrong. It's heartbreaking the bus driver still didn't want to let you on the bus. That just adds to my discontent. Some people just don't care and some find nothing wrong with what is going on or continue to blame outlaying factors. Maybe I'm over reacting, maybe not... I just find it so angering.
JustJAINE

Doctor Who - First Imprisons

I watched the first episode of Doctor Who season six tonight. It was ok, but I'm not as drawn in and shocked as I normally am. It was fine and there were plenty of parts that I enjoyed, but at the same time I felt like the over all plot was a cop out for the season 5 finale. This whole idea of the doctor interfering with his own time zone bothers me. A LOT. It's not how the game is supposed to be played. You can't interferer with your own time, thats one of the first rules you learn with the doctor. That said, I'm going to log off. It's 2 in the morning and I still need to drive home from a friends house. You can expect either a more detailed blog post on this matter or a video in the near future.

General Update

Tonight is one of those nights where I continue to click the refresh button over and over in hope that someone will have posed something new in the last 10 seconds it took me to click refresh last time. It is rather fruitless and makes me wonder what I'm doing with my life.

A general update on what's going on in Jaine's world (because I know you are all incredibly interested); my date has been post poned to next weekend. Which, in all honestly is for the best because I am still a little sick. My 2 weeks into being dairy free hasn't been as hard as I thought. Though, unfortunately, it may turn out that I am either lactose intolerant or allergic to dairy. Either way, it means a lot of food limitations. I'm really going to miss cheese if this is the case. And being able to eat out. I'm trying to think positively though.This could provide me the wonderful opportunity of learning how to cook more, as well as I could try becoming vegan or at least more vegan. There really are a lot of food options out there, I just have to figure out where to look.

School is going well, but I have alot of work this weekend, and I really wanted to have/ go to a Doctor Who party. But I don't know if that is happening. Also it's easter, and I don't know what's happening with that in my family. Ever since 8th grade I haven't been too fond of the holiday. I feel like I was cheated out of fun that year. I don't know. It's just since then, I've always been afraid that I wont get anything. I don't know why this holiday is particularly distressing, I've not received gifts on other holidays such as Christmas and my birthday, and you would think those would be more upsetting... maybe because this was the first holiday. Sigh... well regardless of the reason, I hope I get something this year, though it doesn't look too promising.

Video Response & Thoughts on Growing Up